Hey lovelies, I hope you’re all warm and well!
I wanted to get my “Let’s talk” series up and running again. You guys seemed to love the first one I done on self confidence (you can catch up on that here. I really want to write more meaningful and relatable content and I’ve been thinking about all kinds of topics to include in this series. I thought I’d speak about friendship breakups. It’s not something I’ve seen much of, but it happens to all of us in our lives.
I’m sure we’ve all experienced a friendship breakup right? You can go from girly sleepovers and telling each other secrets, to walking past that same person in the street and without saying a word to each other. Weird huh? So a breakdown in friendship happens for so many reasons. Some people grow apart, some people fall out and some people just can’t relate to a person the way they used to. Whatever the reason, it’s a healthy natural part of life and with growth comes change. Although some friendship breakups can be totally devastating, it can also be a refreshing new start. All depends on your outlook and reasoning.
Many friends have come and gone from my life, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I don’t have that many friends at all now (I could count them on one hand) but I’m so okay with that because the people I’ve allowed into my life are people I fully trust, can laugh with and cry too. We support each other, we relate, we just get on. The older I’ve got the wiser I’ve become and I’ve realised when it comes to friendship, quality outweighs quantity. I want to talk about the types of friendship breakups I’ve experienced over the years and how I’ve dealt with it.
The friendship break down:
The toxic friend: When you analyse a friendships, it’s very clear to see which friends are toxic. Here are some warning signs of a toxic friend. Manipulation, constant criticism, lack of empathy, untrustworthy, free loader, gossip, overly opinionated and just draining to be around. I’ve had toxic friends and the easiest way to deal with it, is to cut them off. Gradually create distance, cut contact with them and don’t allow them to be part of your life. If you know you deep down that friend won’t change and you don’t want to try re-build the friendship, bin them off. You’ll feel much better for it, trust me.
The friend that doesn’t bother: I totally get that life gets hectic, things happen and people have different priorities as they get older. However, when you’re the friend that is constantly reaching out, and to no avail, it becomes disheartening and hurtful. Friendship is a two way thing, both sides need to put in the time and effort, or what’s the point. I’ve been the person who is constantly making the effort and I’m probably guilty of not making enough effort at times. If you don’t even have 30 seconds in the day to reply to my whatsapp message, then what’s the point really? A friendship is hard when it’s just one person, so you’re probably best without it.
Friends you no longer relate to: As a young naive teenager, I had quite a large group of “friends”. We hung out all the time and some I even considered family. We shared similar interests, outlook, had the same humour and just understood each other. Over time, those interests change and lifestyle choices change, which can make it really hard to relate to that person in the same way. I’d say this is the main cause of my friendship breakups over the years. This isn’t to say that we don’t like each other or fell out, we just grew apart. That for me is the hardest thing to deal with in a friendship breakdown. How can you go from being so similar, to so different. I still think about these people a lot and maybe they’re reading this now. If you are, then I’m still rooting for you, I’m cheering you on from the sidelines and I miss you, a lot!
How to deal with a broken friendship:
If you’ve got rid of a toxic friend, good for you. Go and spend time on all the things you love and enjoy! Make time for yourself and refocus your energy on good friendships. This is your time and you’ve got nothing holding you back now. Don’t dwell on what could have been, the ifs, buts, and whys. Don’t feed into the bullshit and try to spite each other. Live your best life and do it well! If you’re feeling like you’re the friend constantly making the effort, communicate that. Easier said than done, but try and talk it out. If someone doesn’t know how you’re feeling, how will the situation ever change? If things don’t change, move on. Life is to short to waste time on people who can’t be bothered with you. Naturally, people change and drift apart, it happens. Remember the good times and memories shared. Pop them a message every now and then, arrange a catch up and if they’re a friend worth having, try to rebuild the friendship, you might have more in common than you thought.
What advice would you give to someone in a friendship breakdown? Let me know in the comments section below!
So that rounds up my second part of “Let’s talk” I hope you loved it! Whatever your situation, remember everything in life happens for a reason and you’re not alone! What else would you like to see from “Let’s talk”?
Thanks for being here
Kisses and love