Hello my loveliesss
Welcome back, I hope you’re all doing incredible ♥
I’ve written a really personal post to share with you and it’s been sitting in my drafts unloved for some time now. I’ve been undecided if I should post it or not but I thought why not use my platform to help others and spread awareness. This was difficult to write so I ask that you keep any nastiness to yourself please.
As I’m sure you can tell from the title, I suffer with excessive hair growth or “hirsutism” and I have done since I prematurely hit puberty, aged 12. I’ve always been extremely embarrassed and ashamed but I feel the time is right to speak up.
“Crippled with shame and embarrassment”
As a teenager, you’re told about all these bodily changes that happen during puberty and through early adult hood. Hair growth was a topic that was lightly touched upon during those cringe sex ed classes at school. All we were told is that you will start to grow hair in different places over your body. I kinda just thought this was something that happened to every girl and there was nothing out of the ordinary happening. Obviously this wasn’t the case and as my body began to grow and mature I noticed hair growth on my face, neck, back, bottom, arms, legs, toes. Like I said, I thought this was all part of growing up and I didn’t realise I was different until a bunch of boys at school started calling me names like “hairy Mary” or “Monkey girl” and told me to “Go shave my beard” Needless to say I was crippled with shame and embarrassment and became really body conscious. I had to carefully pick outfits that hid my problem area’s and just hope that everything would blow over. It didn’t. I took to home hair removal and would sneakily use my mums razor to get rid of the problem. Now, we all know shaving is a short term solution but the hairs grew back rapidly and it was something I had to try and keep on top of and struggled with.
“I just wanted the ground to swallow me up”
Once I left school, the name calling continued. Girls at college would giggle to each other and never include me in anything.I felt so weird and odd and I was so paranoid all the time. I dropped out of college and decided to study Make up, which was a mistake. The girls in my class had to get up close and personal to my face and I knew it was only a matter of time before they noticed. Once they did, it was all everyone could talk about and one girl said to me “Please get rid of that hair, it makes me feel really sick and I can’t work on your face while it’s there” I took a look in the mirror and there was a literal whisker coming from my cheek. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. Luckily I was able to make a few friends in the class that never said a word, maybe they didn’t notice or something, I just stuck with them, without them I couldn’t have finished that course.
“Will he still find me attractive?”
Entering adult life and having a part time job I could afford to get waxing done every few weeks, and being hair free really gave me the confidence boost I needed. I finally felt good in my own skin, I felt like a woman, I felt sexy and I liked it. Of course waxing is another short term solution and it’s not something I could keep up forever. Apart from being expensive, it was bloody painful. After nearly 18 months of waxing, I noticed the hair growth slow down dramatically so I had a break from waxing and that’s when I met my current boyfriend. Throughout the first few months of our relationship I tormented myself with the same questions “will he still find me attractive” and “what if he thinks I’m weird” Thankfully he didn’t and I’m more than lucky to have found someone who loves me for me and none of that has ever mattered or been an issue.
“A few hairs doesn’t change me as a person”
Around a year ago, I noticed the hair growth spread and sped up. The hair was coming back thicker and darker and I started to hate my body again. I decided to speak to my GP about it and see if there was an underlying issue that’s been causing this hair. I went for various tests and everything came back normal. To this day I still don’t know the cause but I’ve learnt to accept that this is my body and I just have to live with it. A few hairs doesn’t change me as a person and I was sick of spending nights crying about it.
“A Constantly embarrassment”
Currently, apart from the obvious leg and armpit shaving, I tweeze the hairs on my neck every day and shave my face every few weeks. It’s still a constant embarrassment and I can not stand it. I know these methods aren’t permanent but have you seen the price of laser removal!? One day I’ll be able to get laser removal and be hair free and “normal” but it’s not the highest priority right now.
If you’re interest on finding out more on Hirsutism you can click HERE for the symptoms, causes and treatments.
For anyone who feels how I felt, let me tell you that you aren’t alone. You are beautiful, sexy and no less of a woman. Also there are a lot of support groups around the internet that are really handy and if you want anyone to talk to, I’m always here.
If you stuck around to read ’til the end than thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to read my story, it means alot.
Kisses and Love